Is Less Christianity Better?

There is a great deal of news these days about the fight to further remove Christianity from the public realm.

Some folks find it offensive to have Christian prayers at sporting events, Crosses in school, the 10 Commandments in court, Christmas and Easter celebrated in public-- the complaints are endless.

For this growing group of “Christophobes,” one thing seems clear: Christianity is bad for America.

Why is this?

I get the feeling that most Christophobes believe that what America needs is more secular freedom—the freedom to act on one’s personal desires, unfettered by the nattering nabobs of the Nazarene. They usually argue their cases before federal judges, but isn’t the real issue that-- in both law and morality --Christianity is a buzz killer? That Christians demand too much specific moral behavior?

Well, what if we removed from society the Judeo/Christian concepts of morality that shaped our nation and our Constitution? Not basic morality, because there are plenty of atheists who are moral people, but specifically the un-fun behavioral issues that Christians believe are important. Without those Christian Morals, would the world be a worse place? A better place?

I’d argue that most Christophobes would say it would be a better place. So let’s take a look-see:

Take for instance, pride. Would America be a better place with more pride? Christians say it’s important to be humble, but that’s no fun: You should be allowed to take the gifts you received (through the random evolutionary process), and show them off! Nothing adds to society more than an air of arrogance, where the gifted strut their successes in front of the less gifted. Sure, the rich, famous, and athletic have been doing it for years, but they shouldn’t get to hog all the glory. Personal arrogance is a right! Every doctor, firefighter, fighter pilot, social worker, and teacher should have their own end zone dance—where they take 100% of the credit for their good work, and scream into your face about their achievements. I don’t know about you, but I can feel America improving already.

Let’s see… what about obeying one’s parents? Man, that’s dull. What we need are more free-thinking, neck-tattooed teenagers. And we need more angry metal bands to clarify their thinking, along with legal access to drugs and booze. After all, teens are human too, so who are we to stifle their right to party? Adults drink and do drugs, and teens are just younger versions of adults, so America needs to loosen up. Okay, so maybe a few more kids will make the legal choice to drop out of high school, but in the words of Caddyshack’s Judge Schmails, “the world needs ditch diggers, too.” Man, I can feel the GNP blasting upward as we speak.

Of course, there’s freedom of sexuality. Boy, the Christians are obsessed with that one, no? America needs more anonymous sex, where humans of all ages can satisfy their cravings, without any boring taboos getting in the way. Aids and other STDs will go up, marriages will fall apart, teen pregnancy will skyrocket, and a lot of hearts will be broken, but—hey, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, right? Within a few short decades we’ll norm virtually every sexual desire, and we won’t have to waste money putting pedophiles in jail—they’ll be mainstream! With enough tolerance, we could get bestiality out of the closet, and adding to the social scene. That’s hot, no?

Ah, yes, and that stupid love your neighbor thing—let’s dump that. And without forgiveness getting in the way, we can all act on our feelings of revenge, which is good for society. I’ve got some revenge I need to take, and I sure you have some yourself, so let’s get busy. Hopefully you aren’t on my list and I’m not on yours, so everything’s cool, right? Of course, there is a chance I did something to make you mad, so… uh, maybe you shouldn’t have the right to act on revenge. Maybe that should just be me. But, you’re cool with that, right? After all, it is all about my personal rights and desires, isn’t it?

And what about bearing false witness? After all, everyone lies to some degree or another, so why not just remove it from the list? That way, we’re all in the game together on a level playing field, and everyone is telling their version of the truth, depending on what your definition of “is” is. You say tomato, I say tomato, who knows who’s right, right? America, I can feel you growing stronger.

And what’s with all the whining the Christians do about what goes on the airwaves? It’s always morality this, and immorality that. Hey, just change the channel! If Howard Stern wants to have naked, bi-sexual strippers doing baby oil wrestling on his show, he should be allowed. Won’t affect my and your kids, because we monitor them 24/7, right? They never see or hear anything we don’t want them to, right? And, hey, if they do see it, well that’s a part of life. They have their own decisions to make, and they’re too smart to be fooled into thinking that those girls have a cool, fun lifestyle, just because they get to be on the Howard Stern show instead of doing algebra homework. Our kids are too wise and well-raised to get confused by the media’s messages. After all, it’s other people’s kids who want $100 athletic shoes that are really worth $10, not ours, right?

You know, without all those Puritans putting us down, we might be able to do away with introspection all together.

We could get all John Lennon, and imagine living for the day. We could ditch our fear of the All Powerful Third Eye watching us, and simply live our lives the way we want. Isn’t all a society really needs is the basic laws in place—don’t kill, rape, and steal? Other than that, morality is a personal decision—and I want to be the judge of what’s moral for me.

Moral freedom for everyone! As long as, you know, yours is in keeping with mine. Because my personal morality will be exactly right, but yours might be a little off. So, America, just keep your eye on me, and you’ll thrive! You can wear leather, but not fur. You can have sexual freedom, except with my daughter. You can eat animals, but not the cute ones. The airwaves will be open to all for freedom of expression, provided there’s no programming that portrays young Muslim men as terrorists.

Teenagers, go wild (!), but not in my gated neighborhood. Cut loose your shackles of humility, and proclaim your greatness, unless I need your help in which case you should act very appreciative of the opportunity to earn my business, and submit the low bid. And finally, do whatever feels good, provided I approve of it.

In advance.

In writing.

There you have it. I explored the issue, and it turns out the Christophobes are right. America would be better off without Christian morality wearing it down, provided the acceptable norm is in keeping with my own. We don’t need a “God” telling us what to do. We don’t need a “God” setting the moral code.

We don’t need a “God” watching us to see if we behave.

All we need is… me?